Survivor All Season Retrospective Part the Sixth: The Rest of Australia

It saddens me that for the second time in a row I have to begin a post this way. I would like to send my condolences to Tina Wesson, Katie Collins and their family. Their son and brother passes away in a fatal car accident recently. I am very sorry for your loss.

(The opinions expressed in the following are mine and not necessarily those of anyone else, although in some cases they should be and probably are)

Its amazing how often it seems people don’t start acting intelligently when it counts, only after the point it would matter do they start actually using their brain. Only on day 22, after the point where Jeff was out and Club Kucha had for all intents a purposes lost the game did Elisabeth realize ‘Okagor hates Jerri, lets vote for her’. Don’t get me wrong, feisty, desperate Elisabeth played hard, and that’s what I like to see. That said, it’s a little upsetting that she only started playing his hard after it was too late. Her attempts weren’t successful for the time being, and Alicia eventually bit the dust.  Before that however, Jerri won a reward and did the dumbest possible thing and took Amber (she voiced her reason well though; claiming to be choosing the runner up, which is always the best policy when choosing who to take on a reward.) This gave Colby Keith and Tina a taste of camp life without them, and (not so shockingly) they enjoyed it. Not enough to be stupid and vote Jerri out when doing so would cost them the numbers, but enough to make them at least consider getting rid of Jerri before Elisabeth and Rodger at the very least.

See this was when Survivor Australia became boring. Who was going to win? One of Colby Keith and Tina. We knew this, there was no way any other outcome was possible given what would occur. Alicia getting voted out was obvious, she was seen as a huge threat and there was no way CKT was about to throw away their numbers edge. Elisabeth’s pushing to have Jerri eliminated did work however, and the biggest female heel in Survivor history was gone.

And truth be told, I missed her. She was awesome TV. Everyone starving and trading the tarps for rice? BORRRRRINNGGGGGG. See at that point the game had stopped and everyone was running on fumes. Everyone did what was simplest and strategy was lost. No one had the energy to plot. If this game had taken place in the Cook Islands, Keith or Tina would have been voted out at 7. Had Rupert been feeding them, Elisabeth and Rodger, 2 unassuming yet conniving players would have smacked some life into nick and tried to pull Amber in. But as it stood, they were hungry and had no energy to do so. As a result when F7 vote came around, they vote for Amber, thinking CKT would be with them again. They were not, seeing as how they went back to what worked without much effort, Pagonging Kucha. Nick was the least liked and therefore voted out.

Then the flood. Great TV, but boring Survivor gameplay. Notice the distinction. See, this was compelling to watch. The first time. Every other time? It’s like watching The Perfect Storm. You know what happens and therefore it is no longer interesting.  (also I think I just said Keith Faime was like Mark Whalberg… Let that sink in.) The other notable detail of this episode? Colby goes on a reward. He keeps his head in game mode. And he also eats a lot of food (in a rather comedic manner I might add). After a boring as shit immunity challenge (I HATE the you have 3 plates, break other peoples plates challenge. It sucks) we have a rather interesting vote. See when the flood hit, everyone needed to come together. It wasn't an individual game anymore. The 5 who didn't go on the reward needed to sleep in a cuddle puddle in order to even attempt warmth. That shit, while boring as fuck to watch on tv, lead to some interesting logic. Keith and Tina found themselves wanting to be with Rodger and Elisabeth more then they wanted to be with Amber. Amber did what she had been lead to believe to be the case, and voted Rodger, as did Colby who was still operating in the realms of intelligent Survivor game-play. Why would he vote out the goat and keep the threat?

Next episode was also boring. The only real interesting thing of note is that this was the Survivor debut of Tina’s daughter Katie, who would compete on season 27 (and go on to become one of the biggest non-factor contestants in the history of contests ). Elisabeth and Rodger should have tried to convince Keith to come with them, but in all seriousness this would never work. Keith was 3^rd no matter which way he went, and if he went with Kucha he was only fucking himself out of potential jury votes.

The rest of the season is actually really boring up until final 3 tribal. Elisabeth gets voted off, Colby’s mom watches him shower, they eat peanut butter. WHO THE HELLS CARES???? I seem to be running into this problem where the last 2 or 3 episodes of each season are just dreadfully painful to sit through. The last few episodes of Australia (and even more so in Africa) are BORING.

Should Colby have taken Keith? Yes. Did he make a mistake taking Tina? No. Would Colby have been remembered the way he is had he taken Keith? I think not. Colby is a Survivor legend, more so than Tina I think. She won the battle, but I think he won the war. Afterall, Colby played 3 times first, has a better average placement, isn’t a first boot, AND got his dick grabbed by another Survivor legend. What more could a guy ask for? Okay yes, a Survivor win, but there’s more to Survivor than winning, after all, some of the biggest and most memorable players never won (see: ‘Fishbach, Stephan’ ’Wade, Coach’ ‘Hantz, Russell’ ‘Orlins, Eliza’ ‘Fredberg, Malcolm’ ‘Cesternino, Rob’ ‘Fairplay, Johnny’) and some winners are never talked about again (See: ‘White, Natalie’ ‘Towery, Vecepia’ ‘Crowley, Bob’) .  

The Australia reunion was… Better than the Borneo one. I've come to the conclusion that I just don’t really like the Reunion shows. They never really do it for me.

At the end of every season I will give the following awards
Best Player of the Season: Colby
Best Jury Member Question/Speech: No one really stood out.
Best Episode: 6
Worst Episode: 10-13 take your fucking pick
Best Challenge: Episode 6 Reward Challenge
If I were on the Jury, who would I have voted for (based solely on their final tribal performance): Colby
Person I most grew a new appreciation for: Elisabeth

(ps notice how Alicia and Amber were left pretty much unmentioned? THESE WERE ALL STARS PEOPLE)